Sometimes I cannot help but think, "wow...where has all the time gone?" Not long ago I was a happy, little 5 year old, without a care in the world , playing in my inflatable house, pretending to be a grown up. Now I am a grown up and its not as much fun as I thought it would be! I have all the freedom in the world, and all the responsibility that comes with it...and I can't be bothered to go beyond my flat at most times. Now I have been given the great opporutinity to go to China for an entire year and to be honest, I find it extremely damn frightening yet exciting. Packing up my life into a few a boxes, preparing to go to a country I have only heard but never visited before, it makes me nostalgic and think about how I actually got to this point.
A friend of mine thought that it would be a good idea to think back to when I was younger, and if I could meet the person I was then, what would I say? What advice would I give? So, thank you dear friend for inspiring this post ^.^
Now, let's take this back a decade to 2002...and you will find a young me, just finishing her first year at Secondary school. She has managed to survive the fitting-in process that comes with joining an all-girls school, and she has just managed to find some friends...all is well...or we would like to think so.
No kid, especially those who like to think a tad differenly than those around them, can escape the terrors of school bullying. The bullying had started years back, even from the start of Primary school. I was the sensitive little girl who just wanted to be liked, but instead seemed to get teased in a daily or weekly basis for the most trivial aspects of her being and personality. I had an easier time getting on with adults than with people my own age...that hasn't changed! For some reason, that I have never really been able to understand, I always had a had a time hard with these kids. The troubles didn't stop until I left. Somehow, I still made friends and even befriended my bullies. Now, I was at Secondary school, and I could finally start to find myself...this is where current me steps in, and this is what I would say...
Amaliah...right now you are 11 going on 12 and there still so many things that you have yet to see, experince and know. From the next academic year, you will be starting to try and find yourself. I know the person you will become and I know the hardships you will face in the next 10 years.
You will laugh more than you ever thought you could, and you will cry till there is nothing left in you but undeniable pain.
You will soar with all the joy in your heart...and you will feel sorrow like never before.
You will gain friendships that will last you lifetime, these people will love you for the person you are, not you who you are tying to be. Even for the person you don't know you are yet.
You will lose friends, either naturally through time or painfully. You will not think it at the time, but it is for the best.
You will feel love, heartache, longing and the wish that someone would just love you back, and one day you will finally meet that special person.
You will rise, fall and rise again in your faith, but be sure that God is always with you, even on your darkest days.
You will wish the world would just stop turning, for the pain to go away and for it all to end.
You will feel the true love of your family, see it crumble before you eyes and be built up again into a unit that will love you unconditionally forever.
As I tell you this, I fill with tears of pain, joy, regret and happiness because I know and have lived through everything you are yet to see.
But I promise you, you will come out on the otherside stronger than your ever thought possible.
You will find a connection of friends that you will love, act stupidly with and will always be there for you.
You will be the Lady of Substance that Grandpa always knew you would be...he would be so proud of you.
You will see how intelligent and creative you truly are, through your writing, your studies, your hobbies and whatever you set your heart on.
Please remeber you are loved and you always will be...no matter what.
Before I get any more emotional ^^ thanks for reading
AFN <3